Marriage is an act of courage. Your spouse is very different from you. Being with them is frustrating, disappointing, and worse. Sometimes, it hurts.
And sometimes, you wonder. Should I stay? Could I get my own place? Is there something better out there for me?
Your Unconscious and Your Spouse
Sometimes, the questions you have about your marriage leave you in a space of confusion, uncertainty and doubt.
While you have certainty around your disappointment — and how un-evolved your spouse is, or how uncaring they are, or how selfish they can be, or how dense, you still don’t know.
This confusion is a signpost. It’s a signpost that you’re not sure, because there may be something about yourself that you still don’t fully understand.
What is it?
You don’t yet know.
How To Gain Clarity in Your Marriage
Many couples I have worked with have ended up doing individual work for a while to understand why their horrible spouse has to make them feel horrible. Why should someone else dictate how we feel about ourselves? Why do we have to feel bad about ourselves, just because our souse projects their own misery on to us? Just because they are awful, why do we have to be made to feel so bad?
All of these questions make marriage the best place for you to find your footing in uncertain and treacherous waters, where you feel misunderstood, misaligned, lonely, triggered, and upset.
Until you “outgrow” this person, they are still there for a reason. Make yourself the gift of using what’s in front of you to find your footing no matter how bad things really are.