FAQ’s about The Relationship Wobble

What does the relationship wobble mean for me?

What your relationship wobble means, is that you can investigate your wobble by paying close attention to your relationships, and all that they arouse in you, emotionally. You have to shine a light on how you feel, and really question and examine everything. No fixing! Just study.

Knowing your relationship wobbles lets us know that good, usable pathways that we could follow, to deliver us to your unseen mind, are discernable through what is happening in your relationships.

What is a relationship wobble?

Examples of a relationship wobble are disappointment, anger, frustration and shame, in light of interacting with someone else. Maybe one of your children is a cause for worry. Maybe your partner makes you mad ordisappointed. Maybe your boss humiliates you publicly. Any negative feelings that get aroused through a triggering relationship constitutes a relationship wobble worth studying. 

What do I do about my relationship wobble?

Whatever your relationship wobble is about, the point is not to work on the relationship itself (although you are welcome to do so as you investigate your wobble. But for the purposes of getting to know your unseen mind, the real purpose of focusing on your relationships is to allow the reactions, arousals and painful experiences, to help you understand something new about your hidden brain.

What is the benefit of investigating my relationship wobble?

The reality of your relationship wobble, is that people in your life are causing you distress, and that distress is real, and reasonable.

That being said, you may be encountering additional difficulty because of unresolved shame, unresolved neglect and unresolved frustration, that’s making these people even harder to deal with.

Therefore, if you feel de-railed by your relationship wobble, it’s a good idea to focus on it so that you don’t have to be de-railed by what’s happening to you.

Inside your hidden brain could be the answer as to why it may be hard to accept and calmly manage the people in your life that cause you trouble – that are de-railing you and bringing you to emotional places that are so maddening, frustrating or disappointing, that it’s making you feel overwhelmed and maybe even ill.

What are the benefits of investigating my relationship wobble?

When your hidden brain becomes visible, and you start having realizations about why you’re being affected the way you are, the people in your life that are causing you excessive pain stop having as much power to de-rail you.

The emotions, whether they be worry, anger, disappointment, heartbreak, frustration or other negative feelings, can be met with clarity, mental organization, and feelings of self-preservation, dignity and self- love.

When you are comfortable in your own body because you can finally understand how your unseen brain thwarts you, sabotages you, trips you up, and adds to your misery, you are stronger.

You can grieve unhappy truths without feeling disturbed and hijacked by them. You can take care of yourself better. You shed shameful feelings. You excavate deep internalized feelings that you are not worthy enough, that you’re selfish, that you’re not good enough, and more.

These thoughts, when they are unconscious, float around creating unhappiness.

When you become aware of them though, you can take care of yourself better, and feel more stable and at peace, no matter what.

What happens when you have hidden parts of your mind?

When there are aspects of your mind still hidden from consciousness, you have what’s known as “intrapsychic conflict.” 

In a sense, this means you have depth! It means that things are not as simple as they seem.

For example, if your spouse tells you you’re doing things wrong, you may have a hidden part of your mind that agrees with this version of you, who will be in pain, even as you argue that it’s not true. It means that if your child acts badly and makes mistakes, you may have a hidden part of your mind that feels like a failure and responsible, even as you blame your child for the problem.

Following wobbles until you fully understand what you have internalized, and what’s making you feel particularly unhappy and agitated, takes you places. Once you are conscious, your cards are on the table. Then, you can take a look at things and not be driven by emotion, and defensiveness. You can decide how best to deal with things.

Once you discover your hidden mind, and realize what your mind does, it becomes much easier to manage the intense aggravation of dealing with the troublesome people in your life. You can manage the triggers and instead of feeling oppressed, de-railed, imprisoned and obsessively possessed by the problems, you can have perspective and plan.

In short, with a “relationship wobble” you are paying close attention not only to what people are doing that is hurtful or destructive, but to your own personal reaction — the effects on your body, mind and mood, as a result of what you have to endure in your relationships.

Why is my “wobble” showing up in relationships?

Some experiences of emotion that are hidden from consciousness only get aroused when there’s a trigger. When you feel painful, uncomfortable or difficult emotions with this person (we’re not talking about an occasional or short-term reaction, but reactions that are chronic or frequently recurring) your relationships are bringing something up to you.

Often, people have particular allergies to certain emotions. For example, anger may be difficult. Just getting aroused to anger can leave you confused, or depressed. For some, it’s feeling inadequate, or perhaps disappointed. Your wobble, if you follow it and investigate it with fascination and wonder, can bring you closer to self-understanding so that dealing with people who unnerve and hurt you doesn’t have to be as painful or consuming.